Thwarting Isolation: How to Meet People
Let’s start way before meeting a new person. First, it’s pretty cool that you want to meet new people. Even if you’re having self-doubts about what a rad person you are, just holding the desire of wanting to meet new people says that some part of you wants belonging and connection. That’s worthy of celebration.
Okay so, what now?
Self-reflect. Take some time to imagine the kind of person you want to meet. What do they do? Where do they go? What are their interests? When you think about spending time with this imagined person, what do you envision you’d be doing together?
Research. Let’s find the spaces where the person you described would go. Would they be at an event at a bookstore? Check out the events at your local bookstore. Would they be at a monthly munch or other meetup? Check out Fetlife.com or Meetup.com for upcoming events. Would they be learning a new skill? Look for where you could take classes on that skill.
Prepare. When are you going to go to this event? Add it to a calendar. What kind of support do you need? Ask for it. Do you need to drive to the location a week ahead of time and scope out the space? Go for it. What you need as you try this new thing is important.
Launch! The cool thing about going to an event where you already have an interest in common is that conversation is facilitated by the activity. Strike up a conversation by telling someone this is your first time here and you’re wondering if they’ve been before, ask what they like about the space or how long they’ve been involved with the activity. Ask if there are other similar things they like to do.
Get the digits or the DM. Did you meet someone you’d like to follow up with? Ask them if they’d like to get together sometime and talk more about the activity. Text or DM them your name from your phone and ask them to text you back with their name.
Celebrate yourself! You did it! Whew! What do you need now to care for you? What do you need to integrate your experience?
If you did make a connection, follow up with them the next day. Tell them you enjoyed talking about XYZ and would like to get together to do it again sometime. If they say yes, ask when would be good for them. Pull out your calendar.
Rinse, Repeat. Making lasting connections takes time. It’s both common and normal for not every connection to stick. It takes time. Are you being hard on yourself about new relationships taking time? Let’s talk about it in therapy.
